How to Heal A Masochist
by jaybirdsfree
Summary: This is a sequel to I'm Gonna Get What I Want. Hermione's emotionally distraught and finds comfort in all the wrong places. Can Ron bring the love of his life back together or will his stubborness and their history hold him back?
1. Chapter 1: My Screwed Up Life

Okay so this story is a sequel to I'm Gonna Get What I Want. I know I sort of left off at a bad place, but this story makes up for all of that, I promise you. And I know the whole, Harry and Hermione wedding seems cliche but my version isn't. (I like H/G but I'm not exactly crazy about them). Anyway, I know you guys were happy that Ron and Hermione had gotten back together, and I know the last chapter of I'm Going To Get What I Want probably upset you. But trust me, after you read this you'll be all like: OMG I fucking love Jaybirdsfree stories! Trust me. Anyway- Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

*I'm so excited*

By the way, this chapter is REALLY dark, and I usually don't write things like this, and I know most of you guys will probably read this chapter and say: "Well I'm not reading this anymore", but PLEASE bear with me. Please.

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><p>Chapter 1: My Screwed Up Life<p>

As I lie on the mahogony wooden floor I think about what I used to be and how happy I was.

I used to be Hermione Granger the brave intelligent heroine who helped the great Harry Potter defeat Lord Voldemort. I used to be called the smartest witch of my age. The mudblood. The muggleborn.

I'd been called many things but everything had been okay as long as I had by best friends Harry and Ron by my side.

But then I fell in love. I fell in love with Ron, and I hadn't been ashamed. But that's when it all came down. Everything that made me me was taken from me nd crumpled up and stomped on before my very eyes.

It all started when I'd come home to find my boyfriend with another woman. And I'd met my current boyfriend Nicholas. During that time I was screwed up, but it doesn't compareto how badly I'm screwed up now. I left and when I'd came back I found out that Ron still loved me. And I let him back in. And gess what? He gave me back what made me- me. He'd explained how him being with another woman was to protect me. And as stupid as it sounds he was actually trying to protect me. We then got back together. We even made passionate love.

But then his sister and Harry got engaged and he decided that us being together wasn't such a good idea. He told me we'd moved too fast.  
>So I left. Again. But this time, none of this was an act. This time when I left, I lost control.<p>

Now, I'm screwed up.  
>When I came back, I told Nicholas everthing that had happened, hoping he understood why we shouldn't be together. But no. He refused to let me go.<p>

I can't leave him. No matter how many times I've tried. When I have tried he'd hit me. He'd tell me I'm a worthless bloody slut and tell me to shed all of my clothing. Becasue after all- that's what sluts do right? And I obeyed because I knew if I didn't he hit me. So after I'd take off all of my clothes he'd shove his manhood inside me- violently.

And it hurt. It hurt me when he'd shag me. I never would want to. He'd shove his filfthy dick inside me and would hit me while doing it too. And I couldn't do anything but cry the entire time. While he'd say: "What's wrong? Don't sluts like you like to shag? Huh?". I would never answer. I'd simply nod my head because if I didn't he use the Cruciatus charm on me.

And if I'd ever tell anyone this, they'd think I'm lying. Because after all- I helped defeat Voldemort. Surely I could handle an ordinary wizard. But no. Because I don't have Harry or Ron to help me. And I can't push him off. He's 210 pounds of pure muscle. And I'm only 105 pounds. I'm way to frail. Because I don't eat unless it's a piece of toast or some pumpkin juice. I do drink a lot though. And I'm talking vodka, tequila, rum, firewhisky, beer, you name it.

But I can't help it. Because all of the pain I have goes away when I drink alcohol. Besides if I don't drink I end up working, but when I do I run out of work to do, so I read. But all of the books in the house are books I've already read. And I wouldn't dare show my face in a bookstore. It'd just be too embarrasing. I remember th last time I went I ran into Paravati and Lavender. They looked at me like some sort of homeless child. They'd ask me: "What happened to you? Why do you have a black eye? What are all of those cuts and scars running down your arms?". I just crossed my arms, hoping my wounds wouldn't be visible and say: "Just a bit of an accident". Then they'd throw me an expression as if to say: "Seriously?". And I told them it was nice seeing them and apparate back home.  
>So if I wasn't reading I was cutting myself. Hoping that this pain would distract me from the pain I'd already been feeling. And it worked. But I figured the last thing I needed was a wound. So I turned to alcohol.<p>

The door opened and I quickly stood up. Nicholas was home. And I know if he's seen the empty cracked bottle on the floor he'd beat me again.

I searched for my wand frantically. It was nowhere to be found so I quickly picked up the bits of glass off of the floor and ran into the kitchen to find Nicholas and a woman with jet black hair. She was sitting on the counter. Her beautiful long black hair flowing down her back, her small hazel eyes looking me up and down, she had on a tight black mini skirt and a red bra on. She was really curvaceous and pretty.  
>It's a bit hard to imagine someone so beautiful with someone so horrid.<p>

"So, who's this Nick? A house elf?", the girl asked lamely. She had an American accent. A sly smile was creeping onto her face. I immediatley had a strong urge to slap it off.

"Actually I'm his girlfriend", I said. Then I turned to Nicholas, "So who's this slut, _Nick?"_ I asked boldly. It was defintely the three shots of vodka talking, but then again I feel sober. I don't feel drunk at all.

He came up to me and slapped me. I dropped the bottle and the other pieces of broken glasses and touched my cheek.

"Don't talk about Nina like that! You're the slut! Look at yourself! Your drunk! You alcoholic bitch!", Nicholas spat at me. He picked up the empty cracked bottle and threw it at me. I ducked just in time. But there was still a piece of glass that managed to dig through my skin on my arm.

I screamed in pain. He picked me up by pulling my hair and slapped me again.

"Shutup! Now pick up this glass and leave me alone!", he spat angrily. He pushed me down to my knees. I cried in agony as the tiny pieces of glass dug nto my skin. Tears were falling rapidly out of my eyes. But I obeyed. Piece by tiny piece I picked up the glass.

By the time I was done my fingers were bloody and so were my knees. Blood was dripping down my arm. The glass was still deep in my skin and I was in terrible pain.

"Clean up all of that blood!", Nicholas spat. I grabbed for the kitchen towel but he slapped my hand away.

"Why would you use a clean towel? Use your shirt you bloody idiot!", Nicholas shouted. He tugged at my hair.

I took of my oversized purple Weird Sisters shirt and wiped up my blood. Blood was still dripping from my body though. I stood up and ran to the bathroom and washed my hands. I pulled the piece of glass out of my arm and threw it to the ground and cried in agony.

Nicholas appeared at the bathroom door.

"Didn't I tell you to shut up! You've scared Nina away with all of your bloody screaming!", Nicholas shouted.

"I-I s-s-sorry", I said quietly. I grabbed my arm tightly as the blood continued to drip from my shoulder.

"You're wearing a new bra", Nicholas said quietly. At first I was puzzled, but then I realized I left my Weird Sisters shirt on the kitchen floor. Which left me in my orange bra and white knickers.

"N-no. I just haven't worn this one in a while", I said.

"Well since Nina's gone, I guess you'll have to satisfy me", Nicholas said with a sly smile on his face. I wish I had the strength and bravery to slap it off but my arm was hurting and he'd only hit me anyway.

"N-no!", I said. I was alread going through too much pain. I couldn't handle him shoving his filfthy dick inside me,

"What?", Nicholas shouted angrily. Before I could retort he dragged me in our room and threw me on the bed.

"No!", I screamed. But ,of course, he didn't listen.

He straddled me and held me breasts tightly. He kept queezing tighter and tighter until I screamed in pain. He then snatched off my knickers and shoved his dick inside me.

For about an hour he pumped. It hurt like hell too.

I hadn't realized my wand was on the bedside table. It was only a couple of inchs away, and he wasn't really focusing on me. His eyes were closed and he was biting his lips.

I reached out for my wand. If I could only scoot up a bit more. . .

"Hey! What do you think you're doing?", Nicholas asked. He started to get up which gave me the chance to grab my wand.

I quickly got off of the bed and pointed the wand directly to his heart.

"So your going to kill me? You really have the guts?", he spat. I knew he was scared. And he had every right to be.

"_Incarcerous_!", I shouted. He was suddenly tied up. There was no way he could get out of that.

"_Levicorpus!_", I shouted, "_Incendio!_". I shouted. Flames appeared around him and I could hear his screams of agony even under the thick rope bindings over his mouth. I ran into the kitchen and grabbed my Weird Sisters shirt, put it on and apparated to St. Mungo's before the entire house was set aflame.

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><p>Really dark huh? Well anyway R&amp;R!<p>

Sincerely,

Jay


	2. Chapter 2: Power

Okay, just so you know, Nicholas is still alive. Hermione is no murderer. She was only trying to escape. Anyway- the story goes on regardless. So, enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter

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><p>Chapter 2: Power<p>

I ran to the nearest healer I could find. It was a woman with a white healer uniform, short grey hair, a skinny frame, and friendly blue eyes.

"Ma'am, I need your help!", I said frantically. My arm, my fingers, my knees, and my t-shirt was covered in blood. I felt lightheaded from the high amount of blood loss and my vision began to blur.

"Oh my goodness!", the woman said. That was the last thing I heard until I passed out in the middle of St. Mungos.

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><p>"Hermione? Healer Gretchen! Hermione is awake!", said a familiar voice. My eyes fluttered open to find my best friend Harry Potter on my bedside. Except- it wasn't my bed.<p>

I sat up quickly. So quickly my head began to hurt even worse than it already was. I pressed my hand on my forehead. I was on a gurney. The walls were white, and so were the marble floors. The sun was bright and everything was cozy and comforting. So I knew I wasn't at home.

Suddenly everything from last night came back to me and I realized I was at St. Mungos.

"Hello Her- Mrs. Granger", Harry said. He was in a pinstripe suit with a red tie. His hair was pulled back professionally. He had a clipboard in his hands and his expression was one of seriousness with a hint of concern.

"Hello Harry", I said politely, "Oh, I haven't seen you in so long!" I said. I began to get out of bed to hug him but hepulled back quickly.

"It's Mr. Potter to you", Harry said coldly. I could see it in his eyes that it hurt a little to say that.

"C'mon Harry, it's me Hermione! Your best friend", I said sweetly.

"As I recall, my best friend Hermione abandoned her family and never bothered to respond to any of their letters or phone calls", Harry spat.

Yet again, Harry and the Weasley's were mad at me. However, it's only because of Ron. But I wasn't going to sit around here and take this crap from just anybody. Even if it was my best friend. Besides, if he wasn't going to play nice, why should I?

"Well than why the bloody hell are you here?", I spat back. He looked taken aback by my tone but his expression quickly changed back to one of coldness.

"I'm here because I'm required to. I'm an Auror remember?", Harry asked looking down at his clipboard.

"How am I supposed to know? After all we aren't even on first name basis", I muttered sarcastically.

"Look! I'm here because some Healer said they found you here and they needed an Auror for investigation. Kingsley said Ro- Mr. Weasley or I were the best ones for the job. So to be quite honest, I don't won't know why I'm here until you tell me what happened to you?", Harry said. Suddenly I felt sick. As if he'd just asked me if I'd date my cousin or something. The thought of talking about what I've been through for the past year to Harry was frightening. I didn't feel like reliving what had just happened yesterday.

"I-I can't talk to you about that", I said darkly. He simply stood up and looked amused.

"Great. Kingsley can send a diffrent Auror in. I didn't fancy working with a traitor anyhow", Harry said coldly.

"No!", I shouted. He quickly turned around. His green eyes filled with concern.

"And why, may I ask, not", Harry said. He reminded me so much of Snape at the moment it scared me.

"I can't talk to anyone about it", I said.

"H- Mrs. Granger, you have to speak to someone. It couldn't have been that bad. What's wrong, you're worried your pregnant? It can't be that bad", Harry said.

"N-no", I said. My voice was shaking horribly. I was shaking horribly. Visions of a burnt blood covered Nicholas with his wand pointing to my throat at hand with Bellatrix Lestrange smirking behind him flashed through my head. I screamed and jumped out of bed. I went to the nearest trashcan and threw up.

"Hermione!", Harry shouted. He reached out for my hand but I quickly pulled away.

"N-n-no! Stay away from me!", I screamed. I went into the corner of the room, sat down, and hugged my knees.

"Healer Gretchen!", Harry shouted. The same Healer from last night entered the room. She saw me and quickly ran towards me. She tried to pull me up but I refused to move.

"Get away from me", I screamed. I wasn't exactly screaming at Harry and Healer Gretchen so much as the images racing through my head.

"Ms. Granger, what is wrong?", Healer Gretchen asked calmly.

"Nicholas! He's going to come back for me. I just know he is! I nearly killed him! He's going to come back for revenge", I whispered. Healer Gretchen's face grew pale and she patted my hair.

"If you speak to an Auror, I can assure you, this Nicholas fellow will never go near you again", Healer Gretchen said firmly. I simply nodded my head and stood up.

"But I can't speak to him. He won't protect me. The-there's way too much negative history between us. I-I can't work with him", I said frantically pointing to Harry. Healer Gretchen nodded.

"Lie down dear, I'll speak to him okay", Healer Gretchen said calmly. I looked up at Harry. His green eyes were wild and his expression was one of shock and concern.

I nodded and layed back down on the gurney like she said. It wasn't long until I fell asleep.

I dreamt of a little girl with red curly hair, brown eyes, with a book in her hand. I was in the room too. My eyes were red rimmed and I looked awfully tired. I was wearing a bloody Weird Sisters t-shirt. My brown curly hair was frizzy and wilder than ever. My mouth hang open in awe. The girl held out her hand to reveal a beautiful red rose. She held it out to give to me and I took it from her tiny hand. She held out her hand for me to take and I took her hand. Then an image of Ron, her, a little baby with curly red hair and blue eyes was wrapped up in Ron's arms, and I was beside them. I looked a whole lot better then I did when I recieved the Rose.

Suddenly I was back in the hospital bed. I heard three voices speaking angrily. I recognized them immediately as Harry, Ginny and, surprisingly Ron. But I didn't open my eyes.

"She CANNOT stay with me", I heard Ron shout.

"Well she certaintly can't stay with mum and dad. They don't have enough room with Teddy and Percy and his family staying there already", Ginny said.

"Well maybe she can stay with us Ginny", Harry suggested, "She can sleep in the living room since the other room is being remodeled."

"Harry, I refuse to let her stay in my house. She betrayed us. Speaking of which, why are you helping her? She walked out on our family, and you're welcoming her back with open arms?", I heard Ginny say angrily.

"Ginny if you had seen the look in her eyes, you'd have understood", Harry said calmly, "Something happened to her and it's my job as an Auror to find out what it is, and it's my job as a friend to actually care. You both can be stubborn all you want but she needs help."

I quietly got out of the gurney and silently walked behind them. The three of them were circled around a table facing away from my bed.

Ron was in a red t-shirt and dark jeans. His long red hair was scraggly and he had both of his hands in his pockets. Ginny's red hair was pinned up. She had on a long pink summer dress with white flats. Harry was still in his pinstripped suit but his short black hair was scraggly and his tie was undone.

"I don't want to stay with any of you", I said. All three of them jumped and turned around. They all looked tired. They gave me a once over and their faces grew dark. Even under the dim lighting you could tell they were suprised to find me bruised and battered.

"Good because no one wants you with us", Ron said quickly changing his demeanor back to anger.

"Look, this was all a huge accident and, I-I'm fine", I lied.

"Hermione, the way you behaved earlier tells me this all wasn't just a mere accident. Tell me what happened", Harry said.

"What happened to you calling me Mrs. Granger", I murmured.

"Don't talk to him like that", Ginny spat at me. I groaned. I was so tired of being spat at. It's time for me to let out my anger. See how they like that.

"Look, I just need one of you to get me to Gringott's so I could get myself a room at the Leaky Cauldron", I said quietly.

"We can't let you be alone", Harry said, "It's the law."

"Well great! Now I have nowhere to stay", I said.

"Don't worry you'll have somewhere to stay but you have to have an Auror accompany you", Harry said, "And that's where Ron comes in. I have to go tux shopping for my wedding. So you have to stay with Ron unless someone else is willing to take you in."

"I can handle being alone", I replied.

"Well at least we know there's something you _can_ handle other than running away when things don't go your way", Ron muttered.

"This is why I can't stay with him! I refuse to stay with someone who's going to treat me like a complete arse", I spat.

"Well good! The last things I need is a pest problem", Ron spat. So that's what I'd be if I stayed with him a pest?

Suddenly the image of him, and those little kids, and I came into my head. I held my head with both of my hands and closed my eyes tightly.

"What's wrong Hermione", Harry asked cautiously.

"N-nothing", I replied quietly.

"She's just trying to get attention", Ginny murmured. I quickly opened my eyes and my hands balled up into fists.

"Attention? You know what-? You shouldn't judge a book by it's cover. You have no idea what I've been through", I shouted.

"Let me guess- screwing around with any guy you could find didn't quite satisfy you anymore", Ginny asked. So that's what they thought I'd been doing? Shagging random guys?

"You know what? Fine, I'll stay with Ron if it's okay with him. How long will I have to stay with him Mr. Potter", I said.

"Hermione, just call me Harry", he said. I rolled my eyes. "And you'll have to stay with Ron until the case is over."

"And how long will that be", I asked.

"Well first we've got to find out what happened. Healer Gretchen told us we needed to investigate. And we couldn't say no. Apparently you were in critical condition", Harry said. He studied me for a while as if looking at me would give him the answer.

"Well you'd better start talking so we could get this over with", Ron said. He touched my hand but I immediately pulled away and jumped.

"We have to apparate", Ron explained. I nodded and took his hand reluctantly.

Suddenly we were no longer in the dim hospital room but in front of a small, dark, room with white walls and red carpet, and hardly any furniture.

"Nice decor", I said sarcastically, hoping to start a conversation.

"Just be glad you won't have to spend the next couple of weeks in the hospital", Ron replied coldly. I'm so sick of people treating me like a pest that just won't go away. First Harry and then Ginny and Ron. Besides, I never did anything to them. If anything Ron should be the one trying to win back our friendship.

"You know what? Maybe that's not such a bad idea. Because then I wouldn't have to deal with you", I replied with the same coldness and anger.

"You have some nerve Hermione. Just because you got into some freak accident, doesn't mean we're all going to take pity on you", Ron retorted.

I felt tears forming in my eyes. 'Freak accident', I wish it was some freak accident rather than months of torment. Take pity on me? If they only knew. . .

"You got any firewhisky?", I asked. Ah, justing saying it instantly made the approaching tears go away.

"Yeah, I'll go and get it", Ron replied, clearly tired of arguing.

I sat on the tattered white armchair in front of a fireplace.

I looked at my wrists. Cuts were everywhere, trailing from just below my palm to the back of my elbow. What did I do to myself? What did Nicholas do to me? I felt like I just woke up from a nightmare. And the worst part of this whole situation is that I have no one to go to. So much for family. Tears threatend to escape my eyes except this time they weren't tears of sadness. They were tears of- anger.

"What happened to you", Ron asked. I looked up to find Ron standing in front of me with the bottle of firewhisky in his hands and two shot glasses. "I might as well join you-"

Before he could pour the firewhisky into the glasses I snatched the bottle away from him and chugged as much as I could without feeling overwhelemed. The burning sensation quickly transitioned into the same feeling I get when I'm not sober- bloody spectacular. I looked up to Ron. His eyes were wide with confusion and shock.

"Hermione, are you okay", Ron asked.

"Now I am", I replied. I looked up into his eyes. For a second our eyes had connected and I felt like-like I was home. But before I could really absorb the emotion he looked away.

"So where do I sleep", I asked. He pointed to a door near the fireplace. I nodded and stood up. "Goodnight".

"Goodnight", he said quietly. I walked to the door and entered the room. It had a queensized bed with green mattress. And their was a white dresser beside the left side of the bed. There wasn't any windows in the room. Perfect. Now I can think.

I lied on the mattress. As much as I wanted to have some time to think, I wanted sleep more. So I dozed off and dreamt of the same little girl.

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><p>I'm sorry I haven't updated lately. If you read I'm Gonna Get What What I Want you know about my aunt. She had cancer and sadly she didn't make it. So I'd been with my family. And now I'm back trying to pick up from where I started.<p>

Sincerely,

Jay


	3. Chapter 3: The Nightmare in Mione's Room

For once I have nothing to say. Just enjoy the story.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. Because if I did I would have gave everyone a good epilogue instead of that bullshit. (No offense J.K- not that you're actually reading this. . . .*sigh*)

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><p>Chapter 3:<p>

I opened my eye to find a bloody Nicholas holding the same baby little girl who'd given me the rose, she was lying peacefully in a bloody grey blanket.

"You actually thought you could get away from me? All I want us to do is be a family. Look at our baby girl. Isn't she beautiful?", Nicholas asked. He handed me the girl. Her brown eyes were now white and lifeless. Her red hair was frizzy and had blood in it. Her skin was pale white. Her tiny little hand opened to reveal a dead lifeless rose. Nicholas began to laugh. I screamed. I didn't know what else to do or who to go to. Nicholas pulled out his wand with a bloody hand. My screams grew louder and tears fell out of my eyes.

"Hermione!", I heard Harry's voice scream, "Wake her up! Do something!"

Suddenly I opened my eyes to find Ginny, Harry, Ron, Mrs. and Mr. Weasley, and Kingsley standing over me. I was hassiling for breath, my entire body was sweaty, tears were streaming down my face, and blood trickled from the corner of my mouth. Everyone was looked shocked and frightened. I sat up quickly- too quickly. I jumped out of bed and ran to the trashcan and threw up.

"Hermione!", screamed but it was quickly faded. Suddenly I was back in bed holding the lifeless little girl. nicholas was still laughing and Bellatrix came up from behind him and laughed with him She took out her wand and pointed it at me. I screamed and I was back in Ron's house with everyone watching me. I was lying on the floor struggling to breathe. The visions of Nicholas, the little girl, and Bellatrix kept flashing through my head. Nicholas was pointing his wand at- the little girl? I looked at the girl, she was slowly coming back to life.

"No!", I screamed. The visions were flashing through my head and I was in and out of the nightmare but I was determined to protect the little girl. "Leave her ALONE! Leave her alone!", I kept screaming . My voice became raw and I sounded defeated, "Just leave her alone! Take me! Please TAKE ME! Leave her alone!". I was sobbing. Nicholas began to bring down his wand. I began to feel calm again. But then he pointed it back to me and yelled, "Avada Kadavra!".

I screamed again. I was back in the room at Ron's house. I was still lying on the floor and I was shaking and I was struggling to breathe. Then I was back in the room with Nicholas. I was slowly dying and I watched as he Bellatrix pointed her wand at the little girl. The rose in the little girl's hand was alive and it looked so beautiful. But I realized the little girl was about to be killed. I stood up. I was back in Ron's house in the same room. But the little girl being tortured kept flashing through my mind.

"LEAVE HER ALONE!", I screamed louder than ever. I punched the walls so hard my fists began to bleed. "Get AWAY from her!". I was back in the room with the tortured little girl. I stood up. Bellatrix looked shocked and she began to scream, as did Nicholas. I lifted my hands to each of them. Then their was a flash of white light and they were both dead.

Then I was back in Ron's house. Lying on the floor. I sat up and looked up at everyone. They stared at me almost as if they were- scared.

"Hermione, dear, are you alright", Mrs. Weasley asked. I only nodded. And I was. I felt way better. I felt stronger.

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><p>I know this chapter may have been a little confusing, but it's a key factor in the story so if you didn't get it just let me know and I'll explain it to you.<p>

Read and Review!

Sincerely,

Jay


	4. Chapter 4: Queen of Broken Hearts

Yer again I have nothing to say. Just enjoy the story.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. Because if I did I would have gave everyone a good epilogue instead of that bullshit. (No offense J.K- not that you're actually reading this. . . .*sigh*)

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><p>Chapter 4: Queen of Broken Hearts<p>

I sipped the pumpkin juice and picked at the meatloaf Mrs. Weasley had cooked for me. I sat in the kitchen all alone trying to figure out where Ron stashed his alcohol.

"Ginny, how can you say she's pretending? Did you not see her? Why are you being so stubborn? No daughter of mine will turn her back on family just because of a petty incident", said Mrs. Weasley from the living room. There was a flash of white light. I knew it was Mr. and apparating back to the Burrow.

"I still say she's faking it. What do you think Ron?", Ginny asked. I stood up and went into the hallway to listen. Curious to see if they were going to let me go.

"I don't know Gin", I heard Ron reply.

"Ginny, you're confusing me", Harry said quietly.

"What are you on about, I asked him a simple question", she replied.

"No it's not about that. If you're so against her why are you here. You're not required to be here. So why are you here? Ron doesn't have a choice. i'm sick of the two of you being so bloody childish. She's supposed to be our friend", Harry said.

"Excuse me? She walked out on us! She had a choice and she decided to leave us behind and screw herself up", I heard Ron say. That was it. I emerged from the hallway and walked up to Ron and slapped him.

"How dare you? What choice did I have? You think I wanted this to happen? you think I like being like this. If anything all of you walked out on me! Don't expect me to come here begging for your forgiveness Ginny! If you don't like me, then you don't have to be here! You can keep being bitchy just don't come here and be a bitch! And you know what? I'm bloody sick of you all complaining about me! Trust me- when this whole case is over- you don't ever have to worry about me again. Consider me a stranger, fine, whatever, but don't sit there and disrespect me and expect me to be gracious", I yelled.

Ginny walked over to me and slapped me in the face. I touched the spot where she slapped me. It stung horribly. But I wasn't going to sit there and take it, there'd been to much of that. So I just- tackled her and straddled her as I held her hands down so she couldn't get up.

"How DARE you lay your hands on me!", I screamed.

"Hermione!", I heard Harry yell. He tried to pull me off but another flash ran through my head. This time Nicholas was straddling me and holding my hands down just as I was doing. I screamed and jumped off of her.

"Get the bloody hell out of my house!", Ron yelled at me. I turned to him.

"Fine", I said.

"No Hermione he didn't mean that!", Harry yelled. He grabbed my hand as I apparated over to an empty alley near my parents' neighborhood.

"Are you okay Hermione?", Harry asked. I looked into his green eyes. They were full of concern.

I felt like crying, screaming, and punching something all at once.

"No I'm not okay", I said as i began to cry.

"You wanna talk about it?", Harry asked. I didn't respond, "Hermione it's okay just let it out okay. And this time I'll be your friend. Not an Auror."

'It took me about three minutes until I finally gave in.

"Nicholas. He hit months. When I told him about Ron and I he treated me like- like Ginny and Ron are treating me now. Just 10 times worse", I said.

"Well Hermione, you're a witch. You could've hexed him or something. Or came to me, or Ron, or Ginny, any of us", Harry said.

"As I recall, you weren't too fond of me when we saw each other again", I replied, "And Ron and Ginny aren't exactly welcoming me with open arms anyway. I missed you guys. But I couldn't go back. I rarely got permission to get out of the house without him torturing me. He'd take my wand for weeks and would only give it back if it was absolutely necessary."

"Hermione you could've left if you wanted to. You're more than capable of apparating", Harry replied almost as if he were frustrated.

"The last time I tried to apparate, I got this", I said rolling up my left sleeve to reveal a log red scar trailing down my shoulder, "Y'know Harry, I tried to get out. And a couple of times I did but I always found myself coming back to him. I didn't know where to go. I couldn't go back to the Weasleys', or to you and Ginny, and certainly not Ron."

"Hermione, you're like my sister. Siblings may get mad at each other but if one is hurt they still help them. I would've done that for you. What'd you do all those months anyway?", Harry asked.

"Well I drank a lot, I read, and I did this", I showed him my wrists. He cringed at the sight of them.

"You tried to kill yourself?", Harry asked.

"That wasn't the goal. I just wanted to take my mind off of the pain he caused. It worked. Y'know the weird thing about it all? The pain Nicholas caused didn't hurt nearly as much as the pain Ron caused me at the time. We were so close to having it all. And then he backed away. And I ask myself everyday, why he couldn't love me. Why he couldn't feel the same way I felt for him", I said.

"You're still not over Ron? Hermione, I'm sorry but it's almost pathetic. I mean c'mon it's been months. If he's over it, why aren't you?", Harry asked.

"Well if Ginny told you that she wasn't ready for marriage, and that she needed time away from you, Harry, how would you feel? What would you do?", I asked, "The only person I had was Nicholas and Merlin knows how unforunate that is."

"Hermione you're scaring me. One second you seem fine about everything and the next you're having severe nightmares. You need help", Harry said.

"I know", I replied, "I don't know how to respond. I don't know whether or not I'm fine. I know I'm scared. I know I'm angry. I know I'm tired, and just ready to move on from this. I know I'm ready to fix myself up, and get back to work. Get my own flat. I know I'm ready to move on. I just don't know if I'm strong enough. I don't know if I'm capable of finishing this case. I don't want to be scared anymore. I feel like I'm holding on to all of this unnecessary baggage. And I'm just confused, and hurt", I said.

"Well now that you've let us know we can finally help you so you can put down the heavy load', Harry said and smiled.

I hugged him. Well at least I know I've got someone.

"Well let's head back to Ron's so we can let him know everything that's going on", Harry replied.

"NO!", I yelled.

"What? What's wrong?", Harry asked.

"I don't want to tell Ron anything", I said, "I don't even want to look at him after all of this is over."

"I thought you said you didn't want to be scared anymore. You've got to tell Ron what's going on if you really want this to be over",said Harry. I nodded and I took his hand and we apparated back to Ron's flat.

* * *

><p>R&amp;R<p>

Sincerely,

Jay


	5. Chapter 5: Playing Dirty

Chapter 5: Playing Dirty

I came face to face with Ginny as Harry and I apparated. Okay Hermione, it's time you be mature. Talk things out and stop feeling sorry for yourself.

"Ginny I'd like to speak privately", I said. Ron rolled his eyes.

"If you have something to say you need to say it here, in front of all of us", Ron said.

I thought about it for a moment and nodded my head.

"Alright. Fine. I might as well let it all out", I said, "Look, Ginny, I'm sorry for hitting you. I'm just frustrated. And tired. And the last thing I need is for someone I once called friend hating me. I know you're angry for me walking out on all of you. especially you because you're getting married. I just couldn't-"

"Couldn't what Hermione! You walk around here looking sad and depressed and angry and it's frustrating me", Ginny replied, "I don't understand why you didn't stay."

I looked over to a awkward looking Ron and turned back to Ginny.

"Fine. You wanna know why I've been so angry and depressed? Nicholas", I said.

"What does he have to do with anything? Oh my God you actually went back to that loser? After all you and Ron went through? That's pathetic Hermione", Ginny said, "First you act like you love him and the next you dump him for someone else. When did you become such a bitch?"

Finally I realized that Ron never told anyone about why I left. He never said a word about anything. He just let it happen. He never cared about me. Now everyone hates me including him. For something that's not even my fault.

"Excuse me?", my voice was raw and hoarse but you could still hear the anger in it, "I never left Ron. He dumped me. Because he said he wasn't ready for a relationship. That's why I left. But yes I did go back to Nicholas- to break up with him. I told him what happened with Ron and I. And for months I got the crap beat out of me for it. You don't believe me? Look-", I said pointing to the marks on my neck and the bruises under my jaw.

"I never asked for any of this. I didn't want Ron to leave me. I didn't want Nicholas. And I certainly didn't want to be hit by a man who claimed to have loved me for months. I didn't want that. I didn't want to become a bitter alcoholic either. I didn't want to end up these marks for the rest of my life", I said showing her the cuts running up and down my wrists.

Ginny turned to Ron and asked, "Is this true?". He only looked down at the floor and crossed his arms as he leaned against the table.

"Oh, Hermione I'm so sorry", Ginny said. She walked up to me and gave me a quick hug. Harry stood behind her. When she finally released me she took Harry's hand and they apparated leaving only Ron and I.

"Why didn't you tell them", I asked.

"Hermione, can we talk about this later", Ron asked.

"NO!", I yelled. He stood silently for what felt like an hour.

"What was I supposed to say Hermione? Guess what everyone, I just dumped the love of my life!", Ron yelled back.

"You could've said something Ron", I yelled back.

"Hermione I couldn't! I couldn't tell them that! I could barely understand it myself!".

"Care to elaborate? Because I'd like to know why too".

"Because it was going too fast Hermione! Everything! I was trying to figure everything out myself Hermione! I didn't know if the feelings were still there. I didn't know if you were still in love with me. All's we did was have sex. I didn't know where we were or where we were going. You were acting so weird at the time and I felt like you were only using me", Ron asked.

"Well why are you mad at me now?", I asked.

"Because you left Hermione!".

"Well what did you want me to do? You left me Ron. I couldn't just stay and wait for you! You'd made it clear you didn't want me. So I didn't have much of a choice", I replied.

"I just expected you to yell at me or scream at me or just do something. I just didn't want you to leave again. I never said I didn't want you around."

"I couldn't just stick around for you. I loved you, and there I was thinking that you felt the same. You hurt me. I could'nt stay"

"Hermione I never said I didn't love you".

"But you didn't want me".

"Hermione I've always wanted you. I've always loved you", Ron said quietly, "I never wanted this to happen either."

My head was beginning to spin.

"I'm going to lie down", I replied.

* * *

><p>R&amp;R<p>

Sincerely,

Jay


	6. Chapter 6: Just Breathe

Chapter 6: Just Breathe

I went into my room lied down on the bed.

Too much of my time is spent being angry at people. The top two are Ron and Nicholas. I spend my time wishing they were in as much pain as I was in. I was so quick to point a finger to one of them and blame them for all of the pain I caused. But the only person to blame is myself.

I could've left Nicholas if I really put the effort into it. I should'nt have trusted Ron with my heart.

Don't get me wrong, it doesn't make what they did right.

But deep down I'd been waiting for Ron to fight for me. I'd been waiting him to save me from drowning. But I should've fought. I should've tried to get better instead of feeling sorry for myself.

I feel so worthless. So empty. I needed help and I wanted love. I needed to help myself and I wanted someone to love me. I wanted someone to need me in their life. And I'm not going to sit here and lie and deny that I'm still in love with him. I know. It's pathetic. But I can't help myself. It's like trying not to breathe. After a while you just can't stop yourself.

And as for Nicholas, that git can burn in hell. I knew I never loved him. I knew I should've lleft while I got the chance. But it doesn't mean that him hitting me was okay.

I'm so screwed up. Sometimes I wish I had the time turner back. I sat up in bed and looked down at my wrists.

Oh, Hermione. What have I done to myself? I've become a masochist. I need to get myself together.

I've got to get myself together. And it starts with finishing this case, getting a job, and hopefully my own flat.

* * *

><p>R&amp;R<p>

Sincerely,

Jay


	7. Chapter 7: Screaming

Chapter 7: Screaming

"So what happened the night you left", Harry asked.

Harry, Ron, and I sat at Ron's kitchen table.

"I had been drinking that morning, and I passed out. When I woke up Nicholas was home and so I tried to clean up the broken vodka glass on the floor when I'd passed out. When I tried to throw it away he was in the kitchen with another woman. Her name was Nina. And I'd asked who she was. We got in a bit of an arguement and it ended with him hitting me and I had dropped the rest of the bottle. He made me clean it up. Pieces of glass had went into my arm and my knees. So I went into the bathroom to clean up the blood and get the pieces of glass out of me. So by then Nina left and so Nicholas- he-", I stopped there not wanting to elaborate on that.

"What'd he do", Ron asked.

"He, er-", I began.

"Hermione, c'mon, you've got to tell us", Harry said.

"He- dragged me to the bedroom and he- please don't ask me to say it", I said.

"He raped you?", Harry asked. I nodded.

"Yes", I said remembering he had to record everything I said, "And then I saw my wand. So I reached over to get it with some difficulty. I tied him up with the incarcerous spell, then I used the levicorpus spell to hang him upside down of course. And then I used the incendio spell. I apparated to St. Mungos before the entire house was set on fire."

"So let me get this straight. You set the house on fire while Nicholas was hanging upside down and tied up, but you still think he's alive?", Harry asked.

"I know he's alive", I replied.

"How?", Ron asked.

"Because if he wasn't the house would've actually been burned down. And it's not. Because if it was you would've seen it in the Daily Prophet, which you didn't", I replied.

"Well that's not enough to fallback on but I'll get someone to investigate the flat. Just give me the address", Harry replied.

"It's the big brick building on Ethridge Street", I replied. Harry nodded.

"Well Ron and I have to go to the Burrow to help with the wedding invitations and decorations. So we'll be out a little later. Can you handle yourself?", Harry asked.

I knew Harry was still a little angry at me. It showed in his face. Not to mention he's treating me like a child.

"Yeah, sure", I replied. He placed his hand on Ron's shoulder awkwardly and they both apparated to the Burrow.

I took a quick shower and put on a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt.

Tonight was not a night for staying in. I needed to go shopping for clothes anyway. All of my other clothes were back at home. I apparated to Ramona's Fashion Village in Diagon Alley.

I walked in and looked through the clothes. It took me about three hours to pick out all of my clothes. I'd gotten about three weeks worth of clothes. Plus some dresses and underclothes.

My usual simple and conservative attire was about to jump off of a cliff and smashed because most of my new clothes included v-neck cashmere sweater, short skirts (well at least knee length), halter tops, and cuter jeans. And Merlin the dresses I'd gotten were completely marvelous. I'd bought about 6 of them. One was just a simple black long sleeved v-neck that stopped at my knees. The second one was a floral sundress. The third one was a long red halter dress (I bought this one for Harry and Ginny's wedding, just in case I was still invited). The fourth dress was a little black dress with spagetti straps. The fifth one was a very formal blue dress with a slit that revealed my right leg. And the last one was my absolute favorite. It was a red tube dress, it was elegant and classy yet sexy.

I paid for all of my clothes and apparated back to Ron's house. I dropped my bags on the floor and went into the kitchen. I looked through the cupboards. Nothing was in their except for a big bag of chocolate frogs and three bottles of firewhisky.

I supposed one drink wouldn't have hurt. I took out a wine glass and poured some of the strong liquid into the glass. I downed it in seconds. I poured another glass just in celebration of my new journey.

"Cheers to me", I said to myself. I downed three more drinks after that. Then another. Then another. And another. By then I felt so dizzy I thought I'd pass out. It had gotten hotter and my stomach felt like it was going to explode. I took off my clothes, leaving me naked. I went back into the living room and dug through the bag until I found a bra and panties. I put them own and delved through the bags for some pajamas. Before I could get anything I felt my stomach lurch so I ran to the bathroom and threw up in the toilet.

I spent about ten minutes throwing up. When I was finally done my eyelids were heavy and my vision was fading. And everything became blank.

* * *

><p>R&amp;R<p>

Sincerely,

Jay


	8. Chapter 8: The Change of Luck

Chapter 8: The Change of Luck

"Hermione!", said a voice. I opened my eyes to come face to face with Ginny, Ron, and Harry standing in the doorway of- the bathroom? I was lying on the bathroom floor leaning against the wall in a lacy bra with matching panties.

"What happened", Harry asked holding out his hand for me. I took it and he pulled me up.

"I don't know. I had a few glasses of firewhiskey after I went shopping. And I guess I passed out in here", I said. My head hurt horribly and so did my stomach.

"Well why are you half naked?", Ginny asked, "Did you have a guy over?"

I felt a pang of hurt. After all of the things next thing I know I'm throwing up", I replied.

"Well why are you wearing lingerie?", Ron asked.

"I didn't know it was lingerie", I replied.

"Well now you do, so go and get dressed", Harry said.

I nodded and went into my room to change into my new red cashmere sweater and jeans.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door.

"Hermione? Can I come in?", Ron asked.

"Sure", I replied. He opened the door with a bottle of green liquid in it.

"Here, it'll get rid of your hangover", Ron said handing me the bottle.

"Thanks", I said before chugging down the disgusting beverage.

"I need to talk to you", Ron said. I nodded and sat on the bed.

"So. . .", I said.

"Look, I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being angry with you. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry you're unhappy. I'm sorry he hit you. And I'm really sorry I can't kill that bloody prat. I just want you to know that I'm sorry that you're going through all of this. It's my fault. I shouldn't have been so quick to break up with you. I just want you to know that I-", the door swung open.

"Hermione we need to- I'm sorry was I interrupting something?", Ginny asked.

"No not at all", Ron said. I felt a little disappointed when he said that. I wanted to talk to Ron. I wanted to talk to Harry and Ginny as well but not nearly as much as I wanted to talk to Ron.

Ginny sat on the bed next to me while Harry stood at the doorway.

"So Harry would you like to tell her?", Ginny asked. Harry nodded and turned to me.

"So, Hermione, we've found Nicholas. He's been staying with his parents. His trial is on the seventeenth, that's a week and a half from now. So I need you to try to get yourself together so you can handle being near Nicholas. After today I see that you have a lot of stress on you. So just try to relax a little bit", Harry said. My body froze. See Nicholas- in seven days. . .Can I handle this? I don't know. Will I try to? Yes. I nodded.

"Hermione, I know you may feel scared and alone but we're here for you. I'm sorry I didn't stay loyal to you. I really do miss you. Besides, I could really use a made of honor", Ginny said with a mile. I gave her a quick hug.

"Oh, Ginny that's wonderful!", I said, "Yes, of course I'll be your made of honor!"

Maybe I was wrong. Maybe their starting to warm up to me.

"Well, speaking of my wedding- Harry and I have to go home and er- discuss private issues", Ginny said. Ron grimaced and Harry grew red. I just laughed.

"By that do you mean sex", I asked. Ron gave a grunt of disgust and shuddered. Ginny grew red.

"Er, yeah, pretty much", Ginny replied. There was a slightly awkward silence before Ginny and I erupted with laughter. Ron and Harry just sat still while they looked away from each other awkwardly.

"I'll see you tommorrow- I'll be picking you up. We're all going to go shopping for dresses", Ginny said. Before I could tell her I'd already picked out a dress for the wedding, she took Harry's hand and they apparated. Leaving Ron and I alone.

"Ron- about what you were saying earlier- I don't want you to be sorry. You had no control over Nicholas. I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself. I'm tired of hurting myself. I'm just tired of being this way. And I don't want you to blame yourself for me being a screw up", I said.

"You're not screwed up. You're just in a bad predicament. But it's coming to a close so you'll be fine", Ron said. We stared into each others eyes for a moment before turning away and blushing.

"I missed you. Alot", I said while I looked down at the floor. I wish I could say I felt embarassed by my words. But I wasn't. After all I've been through, a war, abuse, heartbreak- there isn't any room for regret.

"Huh?", he said.

"I missed you. Before this- before Nicholas. After I came back from Hogwarts. I- I just missed you so much", I said, "I missed us. I missed everything. And- _I'm _sorry. I'm sorry for myself. Because I've ruined myself. I became so bitter and- I just I hurt myself. On purpose to take away the pain of- everything. I'm sorry for myself because I left my soul behind and kept it within you. For you to keep. And the sad part is, it's still with you. When I fell in love with you I became a part of you. And I should've known you felt the same way. Because I never felt like you wanted to let me become a part of you."

Ron shook his head and sat down beside me on my bed and held me as I cried.

"Hermione, I promise you- you have my heart, and my soul. And I- I love you more than anything in the world. I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of us treating each other like this", Ron said. I took his hand and pecked him on the lips. He kissed me deeply. I held his face in my hands and he held my waist. After about two minutes we pulled away.

"I'm sor-", Ron began but I kissed him before he could continue.

"Don't be", I told him. He nodded. "I love you too."

We sat in silence for five minutes as we held hands.

"So- what are we?", Ron asked. I laughed. He sounded like a five year old.

"Now? I guess we're- dating- again", I said, "Does that sound good?"

"Wait, so when you say dating, do you mean- I'm your boyfriend dating?", Ron asked. I considered this for a moment.

"No. Not yet. Let's take things slow this time. And I mean, really slow".

"Is this your way of getting back at me?"

"In a way- kind of".

We smiled at each other. Maybe things are going to change after all.

* * *

><p>Wow, so I'm sorry for the slow updating. I'm not going to lie and tell you I was busy. I just had a mild case of writer's block. Not to mention I saw Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 3D (yeah, I'm rubbing it in! *just kidding*). And I saw the RHr kiss (this shouldn't come to you as a spoiler if you read the book but if not I'm sorry), and it was awesome, but not awesome at the same time. Basically because I've been listeng/ looking at interviews with Rupert Grint and Emma Watson and they both were like- Emma: "He's a good kisser. But it was pretty awkward". Rupert: "I forgot"/ "It was completely awkward". And it kind of ruined the kiss scene for me personally. I love Emma _and_ Rupert SOOOO much, but Rupert's input bothered me. At least Daniel Radcliffe didn't 'forget', at least he said she was a brilliant kisser. I mean really- if you had kissed someone you've known a majority of your life- I can understand how it could be awkward. But it does kinda suck that Rupert told the ENTIRE media he FORGOT how the kiss was. Honestly, Emma's so fucking gorgeous it's not even funny- and she looks like a good kisser (that sounds weird doesn't it?).

You know what, I've probably offended someone- I'm sorry if I did. I'm sorry for rambling. Just please **Read and Review**! PLEASE!

Sincerely,

Jay


	9. Chapter 9: Getting Harder

Chapter 9: Getting Harder

I went into the kitchen to fix myself some tea. Ron was in the kitchen delving through the refridegrator. He only had on a towel. A toothbrush was hanging out of the corner of his mouth. I felt my temperature begin to rise when thoughts of ravishing Ron raced through my mind.

He turned around to look at me, "Good mornning 'Mione."

"Morning", I said. My voice was choked. Why does he have to look so_- shaggable_. The smell of him, it was so- I shuddered. Thank Merlin he couldn't see me.

"So what do you have planned for today? Today's my day off, so I think I'll just have sex", said Ron. I looked up at him.

"What?", I asked.

"I said I'll just relax", he said. He looked at me for a moment, shook his head, and went back to searching the refridgarator.

"Oh. Sorry. I plan on doing the same", I said. He took out a small bottle of grape soda (something Harry introduced him to). I watched him as he chugged it down. His hair was still wet, and his body was a little pale. His shoulder's were broad and smooth looking. His legs were so long that the towel was barely reaching his knees. I couldn't stop myself from thinking of what was underneath-

"WOULD YOU PUT SOME BLOODY CLOTHES ON!", I exclaimed. Frustrated with how turned on I was getting without him even touching me. "Please."

He put down the bottle of soda and looked at me as if I told him Fred and George were reserved and calm. Then he began to smirk.

"Why?", Ron asked. Damn him for teasing me.

"B-because I-I'm afraid you might get sick", I said lamely.

"I didn't know seducing you was considered an illness", Ron said. He continued to drink his soda. I opened my mouth to respond but nothing came out. He only smirked and took my hand and kissed it. "It's alright love. I can barely keep my hands off of myself when I look in the mirror." He said sarcastically.

I opened my mouth again to say something but he'd already walked out of the kitchen chuckling to himself.

Alright, this means war. There's no way he's going to seduce me and get away with it. Even if it wasn't intentional.

* * *

><p>I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked fairly descent. I'd gained some weight so I didn't look like a skeleton anymore. I had on a red nightie that exposed a lot of my clevage. My hair was curly and a little wild. I looked sexy, but I tried to make it look like I hadn't put much effort into it.<p>

I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a bowl from the cupboards and filled it with ice cream (my doing), topped it with whipped cream (again, my doing), chocolate syrup(my doing), and cherries. I grabbed the bowl and went into Ron's room. He was lounging on his bed watching TV (Harry's doing).

"Hello, Ron. I have something I want you to try", I said as if it was a new potion I'd created.

"Yeah. Mmm hm", Ron said not taking his eyes off of the TV. I didn't pay any attention to it though. I sat next to Ron as he continued to watch TV.

"So how's work going", I asked.

"Other than your case, I've got to figure out where some man named Mortimus Fick is. He went missing a while ago. And the only thing they're telling us is that he's from Surrey and that the last place he was seen was at the Leaky Cauldron", said Ron still looking at the TV as he sipped at his butterbeer.

"Oh well you must be really stressed out", I said. I crawled up behind her and began to give him a massage.

He actually did seem stressed, but I had to stay focused on my objective.

I reached for the remote and turned off the TV, and he snapped back to reality.

"Hey, what're you-", Ron asked. He turned around and his eyes widened. I restrained a smile. I stood up, grabbed the ice cream sundae, and sat down next to Ron on his bed.

"So this is what I want you to try. It's called an ice cream sundae. It has cherries", I said. I took one of the cherries and dipped them in the chocolate and bit the cherry off of it's stem. I took a spoonful of ice cream and fed it to him.

"So did you like it", I asked.

"Very much", Ron said. He leaned in to kiss me but I stood up before he could. He stared at me for a moment before smiling.

"Oh I see. You're trying to get back at me, aren't you?", Ron asked. I shook my head. I slipped out of my nightie to reveal a black bra and panties. I smiled down at him.

"No, I'm not _trying _to get back at you. I'm _succeding_", I replied.

"So what do I have to do to get even?", Ron asked. I smiled and considered this for a moment.

"How about you shed some clothing too", I said.

He took off his shirt. Exposing his bare muscular chest. I crawled onto the bed with him and straddled him. As we leaned in to kiss I took his shirt and made a run for it. It didn't take him long to catch on. He swung his legs off of the bed and chased me into the living room until I fell in the living room. He fell on top of me and we both laughed. He rolled onto the floor- with his shirt.

"I thought you wanted to get even", I said as I began to straddle him in order to get the shirt.

"What more would I have had to do?", asked Ron.

"Well you should've did this", I said as I tugged at his pants. "And then this." I said as I leaned in to kiss him. As much as I wanted to stick with my 'take it slow rule' I had to share this kiss with him. It felt so natural and just so right.

Suddenly a a flash of light appeared. Ron and I looked up to a shocked looking Harry and Ginny. It probably looked a lot worse than it was. Ron was shirtless and his pants were low, revealing a bit of his boxers. And me- I only had on a bra and panties. Not to mention I was straddling him.

"Oh my GOODNESS!", Ginny exclaimed. Ron and I stood frozen.

There was another flash of light and Fred and George walked in. Oh, Merlin, I may as well die of embarresment here.

"Whoa!", exclaimed George, "Nice to see you again too Hermione."

I got off of Ron and stood up. Ron stood up as well in hastily buttoned his pants and began to put on his shirt befoore I snatched it out of his hands and put it on.

"It's not what it looks like! We were playing this game-", Ron began.

"Obviously", exclaimed Harry.

"I don't know what this game is , but it'll be a new favorite of mine", Fred said.

No, it wasn't like that! We were just trying to see who could seduce each other more, and we ended up here making out and then-", Ron said hastily.

"RON! There is NO need to elaborate", I said.

"We were just here to pick you up to look for dresses", Ginny said. Oh my goodness, how could I forget about dress shopping for Ginny's wedding?

"I'm so sorry, it completely slipped my mind, I'm just-"

"It's okay Hermione, just hurry and get ready. Luna, Katie, and Angelina are waiting for us at the Three Broomsticks", said Ginny. She still looked a little shaken, as did Harry.

"Yeah", I said.

Hopefully the rest of the evening won't be this awkward.

* * *

><p>Read and Review<p>

Sincerely,

Jay


	10. Chapter 10: Unexpected Visitors

Okay so the last chapter was a treat. I really hoped you enjoyed it, I'm sorry if it felt rushed or anything. Now this chapter will kind kind of balance out everything. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. If I did Neville and Luna would've been together rather than Luna and Rolf and Neville and Hannah Abbot.

* * *

><p>Chapter 10: Unexpected Visitors<p>

"Oh, Ginny that looks wonderful on you", Katie exclaimed.

Ginny observed herself in the mirror. Her dress _was _beautiful. It was a big white wedding dress, it exposed her shoulders. The lower part of her dress was big and ruffly, but not so much that it over-did the dress. Ginny smiled but simply nodded.

"I wanted something that was a bit more colorful", said Ginny.

"You know, you would look wonderful with this on", Angelina said holding up a sleevless green dress. The train of the dress was long. It had a golden design on the midriff of it. The dress itself was absolutely stunning. I was sure that, that dress, was the dress Ginny was going to wear to her wedding. It was far to beautiful to decline.

"Oh. Angelina, that is the most beautiful dress I've ever seen!", Ginny exclaimed. She took the dress and held it over her body to examine it. "This is perfect! My bridesmaid dresses are yellow, so everything falls into place!"

"Speaking of the bridesmaid dresses, where are they?", I asked. Ginny shuffled through the rack before pulling out an elegant yellow dress. It almost looked golden. The torso area was turtleneck like and it had lines running down the front just a little darker than the color of the dress. They were absolutely stunning as well.

"Ginny, they're gorgeous", I said.

"I just need to make sure mines fits. I've gained a couple of pounds since I had Kenneth", Katie said.

I'd completely forgotten Katie was pregnant. Her and George had their second child already. Time really does fly.

"Don't worry. I'll ask someone to measure all of you", Ginny said.

"Don't worry, I'll ask for you Ginny. You just try on that dress. And don't take it off before I get back", said Angelina.

Suddenly the curtains swished open to reveal a happy looking Luna. I practically jumped up to rush over and hug her. I hadn't seen her in such a long time.

The five of us talked for two hours before Ginny finally announced that was expecting her and Harry to go over the wedding invitations. We all got measured and Ginny paid for everything and we all departed.

I apparated to Ron's only to be welcomed by a fit of giggles. I frowned. Either their's a woman in this house or Ron got some estrogen.

The giggling was coming from the kitchen. I walked slowly up the hall and peeked inside. Ron was leaning over something- someone. I walked into the kitchen to find him embracing Melanie Walters. His ex girlfriend. They were gazing into each others eyes. I cleared my throat loudly.

They both jumped. I stared at Ron. He shook his head and opened his mouth but no words came out.

"Hello Melanie", I said not taking my eyes off of Ron.

"Hello Hermione. I- I can explain. I didn't kno-", Melanie began but I held up my hand to stop her.

"Melanie, you know, I was really good in Defence of the Dark Arts back in school. I'm really good at the killing curses. Especially the avada kedavra. Please leave before I abuse that privelege", I said. I kept my eyes on Ron, but I knew she'd left. "Care to explain?"

"Look, she tripped, and I caught her by the time you came in", Ron said.

"What the bloody hell was she doing here in the first place?", I said. As tough as I sounded at the moment I could feel tears prickling my eyelids.

"She thought I was getting married, not Harry. So she came over and we talked about it. I couldn't just tell her to leave, the girl was crying. I'm already in hot water for dumping her. I told her I wasn't getting married, and she just. . .", Ron said, "She did kiss me."

"Well did you pull away?", I asked. I felt tears threatening to fall but I held them back.

"Hermione, it doesn't matter anyway. We're supposed to be dating, and 'taking it slow'- so I have the liberty to do whatever I want with whoever I want. But _I _didn't. She kissed me. And yes I did pull away. And you have some nerve! I told you how I felt about you, I apologized to you, I've done everything I could do and you _still _don't trust me?", Ron asked incredulously.

"What do you mean you could be with whoever you want to be with? When I said we should take it slow, I said it because I didn't want us to rush into anything. I didn't want to relive what happened before. I can't go at the pace you want this relationship to go unless I'm positive that we're both ready. It doesn't mean you could be with other people", I yelled.

"Why are you stressing over this? You're overreac-"

"The fact that you might not be on the same page as me- How do you think that feels? I let you hurt me one time too many and-"

"You think I don't know how it feels? You think that I would cheat on you on purpose?", Ron yelled back.

"Well you did it once", I yelled.

"It was to PROTECT you! You need to let things go- because if you can't trust me- we can't be together. But that's obviously what you want, right?", Ron asked. I walked up to him and pushed at him.

"You are a complete ARSE!", I yelled. As hard as I tried to hit him he wouldn't budge.

"Why won't you trust me?", Ron asked.

"Because I don't want to lose you!", I blurted, "Not again."

"You don't ever have to worry about losing me, ever. I love you more than anything in the entire world. I don't want anyone else. I just want you. I don't want to lose you either. I'd never try and hurt you again", Ron said. I wrapped my arms around his neck and held on to him. As if the slightest bit of wind would take him away from me. He wrapped his arms around my waist.

"I love you", I whispered to him. The tears were falling out of my eyes now but I wasn't ashamed.

"I love you, too", Ron replied, "I love you so much." I held his face in my hands and kissed him deeply. We both pulled away and sat down on the kitchen floor.

"So how did today go with Ginny?", Ron asked.

"It was alright. She finally picked a dress. What about you and the boys?"

"We were just planning the bachelor party."

I stayed silent for a moment. I wanted to ask about Fred, George, and Harry- whether or not they'd said anything.

"Yeah. They wouldn't shut up about it", Ron said, as if he'd read my mind.

"By the way, you left you nightie in my room. Fred took the liberty of announcing it to everyone. Seamus and Dean are convinced you have a sex addiction"

My eyes widened and my mouth hang open. Ron only laughed.

"I was kidding about the Dean and Seamus thing. Although. . ." I slapped his shoulder playfully.

"I'm sorry", I said.

"The only thing you have to be sorry about is the stiffy you left me with", Ron said. I laughed.

"So I guess I won, huh?", I asked. This time he laughed.

"Yeah, I guess", he said.

"So what's my prize?", I asked. He bit his lip. I could tell he was actually thinking this through.

"How about- we shag right here on the kitchen floor", Ron asked.

"Let's not, we have to take it slow, remember", I asked.

"Well today we seduced each other. Why not make an exception", Ron asked.

"Because, this is how things got out of hand last time. I'm starting to think you're only with me for the shagging", I said. I sounded as if I was joking, but I wasn't sure whether or not I was.

"No, I'm just trying to finish the game", Ron said and smiled. "Besides, I love you too much to take advantage of you. And could we not talk about what happened the last time we started dating. I was scared, and I just couldn't-"

"Well I just wanted to start fresh. So lets just continue to take it slow", I said. He nodded a bit.

"Yeah, I guess we should", Ron said. We stared into each others eyes for a moment.

"Ron, I just didn't want to make you feel like we were rushing", I said.

"Well what about earlier?", Ron asked, "The whole seduction game, us making out, this is the confusing part."

"Well, I- I don't know. I'm just trying to stay at a reasonable pace", I said.

"Let's just be together. Let's just be together. As in more than dating", Ron said.

"I don't know Ron. I'm sorry but, I don't know if-", his lips came crashing down to mine. Our tongue's were everywhere in each other's mouth. I sucked on his tongue, trying to be the dominant one. He groaned into my mouth and his hands traveled up my shirt. He broke the kiss and beganto trail kisses down my neck. I let out a moan. It felt bloody fantastic! But as always, I had to be the dominant one for a moment.

I pulled away and rested my hands on his chest and slid them down to his shirt and tugged at it. He took it off and I pushed him against the counters and raked my fingers through his ginger locks with one hand and trailed one finger down his torso to his jeans near his bulging manhood. He let out a low groan and held me by my waist. I kissed him deeply before taking off my black t-shirt. He tugged at my knee length black skirt. I wiggled out of it, leaving me in my black bra and panties for the second time today.

He grabbed my breasts and unclasped my bra, leaving me in only panties. He took one of my nipples in his mouth and sucked on it as he massaged the other. I moaned. I felt my panties moisten at his touch. I moaned and tilted my head back in pleasure. He switched which caused me to moan loudly. I took his face in my hands and tilted his chin so that we were looking each other in the eye.

The look in his crystal blue eyes were full of desire, passion, and lust. I knew that from this moment on, neither of us would shag each other ever again. We'd always make love, and it would be one of our own. It would be beautiful, passionate, and most definitely pleasurable. I knew that he felt the same, just by the way he was looking at me. I kissed him roughly and raked my fingers through his hair.

When we finally broke the kiss, I felt a surge of energy and desire to completely indulge in Ron. I tugged at his pants. He took them, and his boxers off while I took off my panties.

He and I stood their expecting me to lie down. But it was my turn to make him moan.

I practically tackled him back onto the floor. He sat back where he was originally, pressed against the counters. I leaned down and took his manhood into my hand and rubbed my hand up and down it as I grasped it tightly, but not too tightly. I continued to do this until I knew he was about to orgasm. I released it. He let out a groan of pleasure mixed with frustration.

He opened his mouth to say something but I bent down and took his manhood into my mouth and bobbed my head against it. Simply licking up the pre-cum. I took as much of his manhood into my mouth as I could and took it out of my mouth only to lick around the tip of his manhood and took it in my mouth when I was positive he was going to orgasm. And he did. His cum was all over my hand. He looked at me a little embarressed. But I simply licked it off of my fingers until it was gone and smiled at him sweetly.

He stood up and picked me and put me on the counter and kissed me. I moaned into his mouth and he broke this kiss and began to trail kisses down my body and stopped at my womanhood. He flicked his tongue across my clit and put two fingers inside of me. I moaned loudly and ran my fingers through his hair. It took only three minutes before I orgasmed. This time my liquids were on his fingers. And he licked it off of his fingers and smirked which only made me more turned on.

I grabbed him by his manhood, somewhat gently and kissed him on the lips.

"I want you inside me", I whispered after I broke it.

"Sure thing, Granger", Ron said. I slapped him playfully on his arm and leaned over the counter, and he put his manhood inside of me and slowly began to pump in and out. He gradually began to go faster, making me moan.

It only took us both 4 minutes before we both came.

We both collapsed on the kitchen floor, breathing heavily.

I looked over to Ron. He was staring up at the ceiling.

"That was bloody fantastic", I said. He looked over to me unexpectedly, then laughed.

"Agreed", he replied.

I took his hand and we just lied there in the middle of the kitchen floor. Silently thanking whosever idea it was to create the process of sex. I should probably see if there's a book about it. After a couple of more times of passionate love making with Ron, of course.

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><p>I'm sorry about the slow updates. I was in a really dark place when I started (my aunt had cancer). So now it's really difficult to pick up from where I left off since I'm in a much better position, emotionally. And I really don't want to leave you guys hanging. So I'm trying hard to complete this, which is why this might be starting to become a little confusing. Anyway, just read and review. If I don't get over 20 reviews soon I won't continue, because then I know these stories aren't useless.<p>

Read & Review

Sincerely,

Jada


	11. Chapter 11: untitled

Oh my goodness, thankyou you guys for the reviews. I have a particular shout out to: Andrea Weasley. I know this is my second shoutout to you, but it's only because you've been reading my stories since day one, and I just want you to know how much I appreciate your loyalty.

And for those of you who have been keeping up, thankyou as well. So far no flames! And just so you know, the main reason I rushed r/hr is because Hermione is trying to better herself which includes Ron. Anyway- Enjoy!

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><p>What did I just do? After years of pain he put me through, I still managed to continue loving him. I still allowed him to have me in all the 'right' ways. So what does that make me? I mean, I did promise myself to take it slow with him. And we've practically just started dating again. I sat up on the kitchen floor and hugged my knees to cover myself up as best as I could without clothing.<p>

If only our love wasn't so complicated. If only _he _weren't so complicated, I wouldn't have to reconsider our love. But then again it wouldn't be _our _love if it wasn't complicated. But going through another heartbreak won't be healthy for me. Going through another three months of crying, being intoxicated all the tiime, isn't what I want.

What is it that I want? Happiness. And the confusing part about that is that I can't be completely happy if Ron isn't in the picture. Is it really so much to ask to have the man you've always and will always love in your life without having to be insecure or without having to worry. I want to go back to work, I want to reconnect with my parents (I couldn't while Iwas with Nicholas), I want this case to be over, but mostly I want to be positive that Ron loves me as much as I love him.

I deserve love that's secure, equivalent to mine, and immortal. And I just don't know if I'm getting that from Ron. I shook his shoulder to wake him up.

He only groaned as a reply. I shook his shouler more fiercely this time. He only groaned louder.

"RON!", I yelled.

"What?", he yelled back.

"Get up! We need to talk", I said calmly.

He finally sat up. Looking a little pissed off. But I didn't care. The questions I had for him were impatient.

"About what?", he asked. Now here's the part I never thought about. How do you ask someone how much they love you without sounding corny and creepy?

"Prove it", I said before I could really stop myself.

"Prove what 'Mione", he asked. His voice was still heavy with anger.

"Prove to me that you love me, as much as I love you", I said.

"I think I just did a couple of hours ago", Ron said with a small grin on his face.

"No, Ron. Prove to me that you love me with your love me, without being- physical", I said.

"Hermione, this is ridiculous", Ron said.

"No it's not Ronald, I'd just like for you to tell me how much you love me", I said.

"Fine Hermione", Ron said with a sigh. He stood up and started to put his clothes back on. Then he walked up to me and knelt down so that we were face to face.

"I love you", Ron said lousily.

That's when the tears threatened to come out. I looked down at my feet so I wouldn't have to look at his face.

"That's all I needed to hear. Those three words, meant the world to me. Especially coming from you. Because I love you more than anything in the entire world. If there was one person that I could give the world to, it would've been you. I want you to be the father of my children. I want us to grow old together. I just want to be there for you", I said.

Ron only stood there for a second, "Thank you", he said with a puzzled face expression.

"No, Ron. That's what I wanted you to say to me. I wanted you to tell me something more than I love you. You could say that to a bloody bag of Chocolate Frogs. You could say I love pie. All I ever wanted from you was for you to say that I meant more than anything to you. Because that's how I feel about you", I screamed. My voice was choked and hoarse. My head was spinning and all I wanted was a glass of wine to calm me down.

"It must be around your time of the month. Just go lie down or something", Ron said. I stood up and put on all my clothes and walked right up to him and looked him in the eyes.

"No Ronald. It isn't around my time of the month. I was simply trying to get you to prove that you love me. Because you've let me go twice. And I wanted to be sure that it won't happen again. Because if it does I want nothing to do with you anymore. I'm not asking you to propose to me, I just want want you to love me as much as I love you. Because lately I'm not so sure", I said quietly.

"Hermione, I do love you. I love you more than anything. I love everything about you. And I'm just trying to make sure I don't overstep my boundaries because I know I screwed up twice. I was just trying to make sure I didn't screw up again. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you", Ron said.

I pulled him into a hug and kissed his cheek. We held hands and our heads were pressed together.

"I really think we need to try and tone things down a bit", I whispered.

He didn't reply. I let go of his hands and backed away.

"Why?", he finally replied.

"Because I need to feel secure in this relationship, and the only way is to take things slowly. Everything is going a little too fast for me", I said.

He groaned.

"Look, we've been through way too much. We've known each other for eleven bloody years! We're wasting time! what's the point in waiting? I told you, I love you. I want you i my life. And you say we need to keep it slow?", Ron yelled.

"Yes, as a matter of fact I do. Besides, if anyone's been wasting time it's you! I never _told _you to break up with me twice. When you said you needed time I gave you time- didn't I? And now that I want to slow things down, it's _wrong_?", I yelled back. He remained silent for a few moments.

"Fine. Take all the bloody time you need", Ron said. He dug through his pockets and took out 3 galleons, "This should be enough for a room at the Leaky Cauldron, food, and a gift for Harry and Ginny's wedding. You should probably look back into getting a job while we _take it slow_", Ron said.

"What?", I asked. Surley he wasn't being this childish?

"I don't think we should live with each other anymore since we're _taking it slow_", Ron said. No. I was wrong, he was being childish, "You're allowed to be on your own since Nicholas is in Azkaban temporarily."

I opened my mouth to say something. But the only thing coming out of me was slow tears down my cheeks.

"You're misinterpreting this-", I began but he held up his hand to stop me.

"No. If you need your space- you need your space", Ron said. I stormed out of the kitchen and into my room and collected all of my clothes and hastily shoved them into a bag. When I walked back into the kitchen Ron was still standing in the same spot looking down at his feet.

"You know what Ron? I can only take to much. You can't blame me for wanting to take things slow", I said. I wanted to sound a lot stronger than I felt. But no. I sounded exactly how I felf- broken.

I looked at him. His expression was blank. And he ner replied.

"You know, no one has hurt me more than you have. Other than Nicholas and myself", I said. Then I apparated to the Leaky Cauldron.

"We're closing in thirty minutes", said a familiar voice.

"I'm only here for a room", I said quietly. I walked closer to the bar and realized it was Hannah Abbot.

"Hermione Granger? Is that you?", Hannah asked. I only nodded. I probaly looked terrible, and my voice was still hoarse.

"It's nice to see you again", Hannah said.

"Likewise", I said.

"Well we have three rooms available, but I'll get you the high quality one, after all you helped save the world", Hannah said.

"I only have three galleons, and I need it to last me a while", I said.

"Well I'll charge you it for the regular price. How long are you planning to stay?", Hannah asked. I opened my mouth to reply until I realized I didn't know exactly how long I'd be staying. Harry and Ginny's wedding is in two weeks, the trial is in a couple of days, and I need to get my job back- and I probably need time to search for a flat. So it should take at least-

"Four weeks", I said. Hannah looked up at me, her face full of confusion. I could tell she was restrainng very hard to ask why I would have to stay at the Leakky Cauldron. Luckily she was too nice for that.

She walked behind the bar and grabbed a large key and handed it to me.

"Six doors down from the stairway", Hannah said.

"Thankyou Hannah", I said. I handed her one galleon. She only smiled and nodded, but she still looked confused.

I nodded and went downstairs and six doors down from the stairway and entered the rochocom. It was a very simple room. It had striped purple and white sheets on the bed, a white wardrobe, and a small barhroom beside the bed. I lied down on it and cried.

Now where do I stand? I can't figure out whether he and I are over or not.

'Oh, get it together Hermione! The man kicked you out of his house. Can't you get a clue? This is the third time he's called it quits with you. You're pathetic', said a small voice in my head.

I lied on the bed and cried the rest of the night. Thinking about how things would've been if I hadn't been so demanding. Eventually I realized there was a complimentary basket filled with one muggle wine bottle (I;m guessing this had was Hannah's doing considering she's a _half _blood), a pack of chocolate frogs, and purple and white roses, and two wineglasses. I slipped into into a black night gown and poured myself a glass of wine. I sat on the edge of the bed and held the glass in my hand and placed it to my lips.

Am I really about to start drinking again? Because of a petty arguement? I'm so much better than that.

I put the glass of wine on my bedside table and went to sleep.

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><p>SOOO, sorry that it took me this long to update you guys. Anyway I hope you guys enjoyed. The reason I kinda started this arguement thingy- RIGHT after having them be- <em>intimate<em> is that I figured I'd went a little to fast. And it's part of my plan. I'll update as soon as I get at least 25 reviews! And I promise I'll update immediatly.

Hope you enjoyed!

Sincerely,

Jay


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